As Long as You Love Me
by HeartbreakDX
Summary: With Sirius gone and no one to turn to when his uncle starts to beat him, Harry Potter becomes depressed and everything seems to go downhill from there until he's rescued by the most unlikly person. SSHP SLASH! ON HIATUS
1. A Terribly Messed Up Life

As Long as You Love Me

Disclaimer: The one and only for this story. I do not own Harry Potter because if I did, I'd be richer than rich.

Note: I need a beta so if anyone is interested contact me.

Chapter One: A Terribly Messed Up Life

"YOU USELESS PIECE OF FILTH," Harry's Uncle Vernon yelled, kicking him in the ribs. "we feed and clothe you for years and what do you do? You send a bunch of freaks to threaten us you ungreatful son of a bitch!" he yelled for the millionth time that summer. He kicked him agian.

"Get out of my sight." he said, walking into the sitting room to watch television with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. Harry didn't need to be told twice. He got up painfully and left the house. He crossed the front lawn with a slight limp and stepped over the low garden wall. Then, checking that neither Uncle Vernon or Dudley were following him, he strode quickly up the street.

It wasn't his fault the Order had decided to threaten the Dursleys. He certainly didn't ask them to but his uncle wouldn't listen to reason and Harry was not stupid enough to point it out. He wished they hadn't for it had only made things worse.

_'Some family.' _he thought, walking on. He harly noticed where he was going because it was the same place he always went after one of Uncle Vernon's beatings. The Park. It saved him more insults and beatings. He looked up at the sky, it was dark and the moon was out and shinning brightly.

Harry turned the corner into Magnolia Crescent; halfway along, he passed the narrow alleyway down the side of a garage where he'd first set eyes on his godfather, Sirius Black. He felt a sharp pang in his chest of pain and loss at this. Sirius was the only adult he'd known who'd ever genuinely cared for him, loved him. Now, because of him, he was gone. Just like Cedric, just like his mother and father, just like nearly anyone who'd ever given a damn. Just like everyone he'd ever cared for, gone.

Harry fought back tears as he walked on.

'_Well,' _Harry thought, as he crossed Magnolia Crescent, turned into Magnolia Road, and headed toward the moonlit park. '_Its not as bad as it could be. Wait, yes it is. But its not entirely my fault. But it is mostly.'_

Well he was right about one thing, it wasn't entirely his fault Sirius died. If Dumbledore had told him the truth when he should have, none of this would have happend. If Dumbledore would've stopped treating Harry like he was four and trusted him enough to tell him of the prophecy and his destiny, he'd never been lured to the Ministry to save Sirius. He was not something fragile that would break if touched. He'd gotten the Sorcerer's Stone in first year, killed the Basilisk in second, warded off Dementors in third, flew around a dragon to snatch a golden egg, been attacked by Grindylows, threatend my merpeople, faced nasty things in the maze in fourth, survived attacks by a pack of angry Centaurs, murderous Deatheaters, avoided being crushed by Hagrid's half brother Grawp last year, and faced down and survived Voldemort on five seperate occasions. He was by no means weak and helpless.

He vaulted over the locked park gate and set of across the finely cut grass. The park was as completely desolate and deserted as the streets around it. He reached the small lake near the center of the park and sank down onto the sandy bank. He watched the water lap agianst the side as if it were trying to get at him. The chilly wind blew threw his hair, making it untidier than it had been. He stared down at his hands.

There, carved into the back of his hand still clear as crystal, was the hated phase that he'd been force to put there. _'I must not tell lies' _shown brightly in the moonlight. Oh how delighted had his uncle been when he saw that. He'd shown it to the rest of the family saying,

"Now there's a proper punishment boy. Let's try it out shall we?" He gone and gotten a kitchen knife and, holding him down, carved the words '_I am a freak.'_ , '_I am unworthy of being anything other than a slave.' _and _'I am a piece of filth who should have been drowned at birth.'_ on his back. He knew the scars would never fade and would stand clearly on his skin for life.

_'Oh, goody, another bunch of scars to carry.'_ he thought. _'But at least _they're_ not famous.'_ A tear fell from his cheek as he thought of the abuse he'd suffered and his godfather's last words to him.

"Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and run." The Prophecy, his destiny, his godfather. It actually made him hate Sybil Trelewny with a vengence. She'd made the damn thing, set Voldemort after him, and ruined his life.

"Divination sucks." he muttered, another tear falling. Finally, he broke out in tears, his head in his hands. For his godfather, for his parents, for himself, and for his terribly messed up life.


	2. He Explains Things So Well

As Long as You Love Me

The summer went very slowly for Harry but, like all things, it finally came to an end.

The night before he was set to board the Hogwarts Express, Harry's uncle gave him on of the worst beatings of his life.

"You will not tell those freaks anything about this summer." he said as his belt buckle lashed painfully acrossed the boy's back.

"I won't Uncle Vernon." Harry whimpered, curling into a tiny ball to try to escape the pain.

"Good, go to your room, boy." he said, going to his own and slamming the door.

Harry lay there for a moment, then stood up painfully. He nearly screamed as the muscles in his back seized up. He limped into the bathroom and pulled off his blood-stained clothes. He got into the shower and started to remove the blood and sweat from his pain-wracked body. Then he put on a pair of boxers and slipped into his room and lay on the bed. He pulled a vial out from his bedside cabinet, the last of his Dreamless Sleep potion. He'd have to make more when he returned to school.

Slipping into a peaceful sleep, Harry wondered what it was like to have a family to love you.

-------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Harry woke to an angry yell at his door.

"Potter! Get down stairs and make breakfast." Harry swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his body protesting at the sudden movement. He sighed and got dressed. Then he picked up his already packed trunk and Hedwigs empty cage and went downstairs.

"Hurry up boy," his uncle said, slapping him on the back of the head. Harry made the breakfast quickly and they were soon in the car, on the way to King's Cross Station.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Remember what I said boy." Uncle Vernon said, throwing Harry's things out of the back seat.

"Yes Uncle Vernon." Harry said, dully. He wheeled his trunk over to the barrier and walked through it. There was the scarlet steam engine, there were all of the witches and wizards. The sounds of owls hooting, cats meowing, rats squeaking, and the croak of an occasional toad filled the air.

"Harry, hey Harry!" Harry turned to see Ron and Hermione running towards him.

"Hey Ron, hi Hermione." he smiled but it did not reach his eyes.

"Harry, are you ok?" hermione asked, picking up on it.

"Yeah, fine." he assured them. He suddenly felt anxious around his friends. He crossed his arms in front of his chest casually. Bad move.

"Harry, where did you get all of those bruises?" Ron asked. Sure enough, the large, purple bruises were easily visible.

"Oh, um, got in a fight with my cousin and lost spectacularly." he said, cursing his stupidity. "He and a bunch of his friends ganged up on he."

"Your cousin is a right git, you know that?" Ron said.

"Yeah, he is." Harry agreed, thinking that Uncle Vernon was ten times worse.

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Harry didn't talk to Ron and Hermione much but they just attributed that to the loss of Sirius which was part of it. Harry didn't want to talk about it and the easiest way to avoid that conversation was not to talk. So they just let it go.

It seemed in no time at all, they had arrived at Hogwarts. As the carriages carried them to the school, Harry gazed out of the window at the passing grounds. It had started to rain. Harry caught a glimpse of the Whomping Willow and his heart nearly stopped. Once agian he fought back tears, thinking of his godfather. A solitary tear ran down his cheek. Ron and Hermione looked at eachother and their gaze drifted to the same sight. Hermione placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"Harry...?"

"Don't Hermione," he said. "Just don't." The carriages stopped and the three of them got out and made their way to the Gryffindor table.

----

Harry didn't pay attention to the sorting. He was lost in memories.

"They seem to get smaller every year don't they Harry?" Ron said.

"What?"

"The first years. They seem to get smaller every year." Greatful for the distraction, Harry replyed,

"I know. Or maybe it just seems like that as we get bigger. But really I don't think I was that small as a first year." Ron nodded.

"What do you think Hermione?" he asked.

"Hmmm." was her only reply. Dumbledore stood.

"A few words please. Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus, tuck in." he sat.

"What does that mean?" Ron asked.

"Never tickle a sleeping Dragon." Hermione replied. Ron and Harry snorted into their mashed potatos.

"Its actually the school motto."

"Sounds really mental."

"Good advice though."

"Anyone with half a brain could figure that out."

_"And its back to the usual bickering."_ Harry thought.

---

The food diappeared and Dumbledore stood, waving for silence.

"Now that all of your stomachs have been appeased, I have a few announcements. Some of our oldest students may remember this," he looked straight at Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "But once agian, the third floor is off limits."

"Oh I do love it when he tells us things," Harry said sarcasticly. "He always expains things so well." Ron snorted.

"I mean," Harry continued. "we always figure it out. He might as well save us the trouble and tell us."

"I'm sure he has his reasons." Hermione said.

"The forest on the grounds is strictly forbidden to all students," agian his eyes rested on the trio. "And lastly. Welcome to our new Defense teacher, Professor Thistlethorne." A beautiful woman with long black hair that seemed to wave as if blown by breeze and bright, sea blue eyes that seems to shimmer when the light hit them stood up.

"Well, to bed with you all." Dumbledore said.

Harry's gaze went to Snape. He thought he'd be angry agian. But as his eye met the form of the potions master, he was greatly surprised to see that he was sitting in his seat, calm as anything.

"She's so beautiful." Ron said, not taking his eyes from the woman.

"Yeah," Dean said, his mouth hanging open.

"Dean, your jaw is on the floor." Lavender Brown said, distainfully.

"What? Oh.." he closed his mouth.

"Yeah Thomas. If you opened it a little wider, you might catch some flies." said Pansy Parkinson as she passed.

"At least his face doesn't look like a pug who ran into a brick wall too many times." Seamus said. The Gryffindors snorted as she walked away in a huff.

"Come on. I want to get to bed." Harry said, leading the way out of the Great Hall.


	3. Revelations and a Dream

As Long as You Love Me

_dream_

_"Boy! Here. Now."_

_"Yes Uncle Vernon."_

_"What is this?" Uncle Vernon asked, gesturing to the unweeded garden._

_"I.."_

_"This was supposed to be done by the time I got home boy."_

_"I know sir, I was just about to..." he was met with a slap across the face. Harry stumbled back into the house with the force of the blow. Before he could regain his composure, he was met with a knee to his mid-section. He fell to the ground, gasping for breath._

_"I'll teach you your place boy!" Uncle Vernon roared. Harry felt a larde metal buckle striking across his back, and laying open the skin accompanied by a searing pain. Again and again his body was wracked in the painful spasms brought on by his punishment._

_"No, no. Stop. Please." Harry pleaded._

_"Shut up boy!" he felt his uncle shaking him. Then, another voice cut through the dream._

_"Harry, Harry. Wake up."_

_End dream_

Harry shot up in bed, breathing heavily and drenched in a cold sweat.

"Back off, give him room." the voice said. There was a hand on his shoulder. He fliched away from it.

"Harry?" Ron said.

"I'm fine." Harry said.

"No you bloody hell are not! I mean damn Harry, what was that? Thrashing and screaming like a banshee you were mate." Seamus said.

"It..it was nothin'. Just...just a nightmare."

"Some nightmare Harry." Dean said. Harry nodded. In an attempt to get off that subject, Harry asked the time.

"Umm, 3:30 am." Neville said, looking slightly frightened.

"I'm sorry for waking you guys." he said, mentally kicking himself for forgeting his silencing wards. Damn, he needed that potion.

"Its not your fault Harry. Nightmares happen."

"Whatever. I'm going back to bed." and, ignoring the other Gryffindors, Harry pulled the hangings closed and rolled over.

But Harry did not go back to sleep. He lay there, wide awake for the rest of the night.

------------------

As Harry decended the stairs to the Common Room, he was met by the worried gazes of his friends.

"Morning." he said in a falsely chipper voice.

"Alright Harry?" came a yelled question from the boys staircase behind him.

"Fine Collin." Harry said, not even bothering to turn around.

"Well he hasn't changed a bit." Ron said as they climbed through the portrait hole.

"Obviously not." Harry sighed.

"Are you feeling alright Harry? Get enough sleep?" Hermione asked.

"You told her!" he exclaimed, stopping in his tracks and turning on Ron.

"Actually Neville told me. That's not the point." she said.

"As I told everyone last night, I'm fine. Just a nightmare."

"About the Ministry?" Hermione asked, sympatheticly.

"Yeah." Harry said, hoping Ron hadn't been paying attention to what he'd said. As it turned out, he hadn't. In truth, Harry had those nightmares too but he didn't want to talk to Ron and Hermione about what brought on last night's episode.

"Its ok to grieve Harry but you can't let it take over your life." Harry nodded, not even really listening. He was brought out of his thoughts but Ron.

"Watch out, Snape!" the three of them, not wanting to come in contact with Snape this early in the morning, detoured into a nearby classroom. They could hear voices outside the door.

"Josi." Snape said.

"Hello Severus."

"Its the new DADA teacher." Ron said. Hermione kicked him.

"Shut up." Harry hissed.

"And how have you been since you married that Ministry half wit little sister?" The trio's jaws dropped.

"Sister?" Ron said. Hermione cast a Silencing spell on him and was met with an indignant look.

"Why do you think I took this job Sev? To get away from him."

"What did he do this time?"

"Oh just focus on everything but me. His job is his mistress. So I took the job here. Your presence will keep him far away from me. He's been terrified of you since you threatend him with a painful death that Christmas."

"He didn't deserve you. I only warned him if he hurt you he'd get what was comming to him. No one hurts my little sister and lives to tell the tale. You are all I have left since mum died."

"I know Sev. Come on, we'll be late for breakfast and I don't want to teach on an empty stomach."

"Yes, don't want to teach those infernal dunderheads without food." they heard laughter and footsteps.

"So that's why he was so calm last night." Ron mouthed something. Hermione giggled and removed her spell. Ron glared at her and then repeated what he said.

"What do you mean?"

"When she was announced I thought he'd be pissed as usual but he was just sitting there, cool as can be."

"Really, I didn't notice."

"Well Ron, you were to busy drooling." Hermione said.

"I was not!" he said, indignantly.

"Oh yes you were."

"Oh, come on you two." Harry said, stopping them before the arguement progressed. "I don't want to miss breakfast."


End file.
